Chuckle Time...

A girl on one of my BabyCenter Community Boards posted this and it just makes me laugh everytime I read it. Whether you are pregnant, have been, or are married to someone who is/has been, you will appreciate it:

"So since I've been pregnant a Whooping 8 weeks, I've decided that I now have sufficient knowledge about all things pregnancy. Please see below for my do's and don'ts!

Things to do while pregnant:
1) Be grateful if your not experiencing morning sickness. You are still pregnant with out it. Wishing you had morning sickness is like wishing you had the flu. And that's just silly.

2) Avoid the No-No foods (except for Hot Chocolate, that odd Coke here and there, the Subway sandwich you grabbed last Tuesday, the Mountain Dew that suddenly appeared in your car after leaving the gas station, the cup of coffee on your desk right now as you read this, that hot dog you are planning on having at your friends annual 4th of July party....)

3) Understand that as many books as your husband reads he will NEVER get that you are cranky just because.

4) Remain patient with your husband when he incessantly questions why you are cranky.

5) Reassure your husband 1,000+ times per hour that you are not cranky at him, you are not cranky at his Mom, you are not cranky at the cat, you are not cranky about work, you are not cranky about the state of the economy, you are not cranky that the sky wasn't a particularly spectacular shade of blue today and you are not cranky about pregnancy.

6) Drink plenty of water. About the amount in an Olympic swimming pool should suffice. (But don't drink the water out of an Olympic swimming pool. Chlorine is bad for baby)

7) Resign yourself that you will be up 10 times a night to pee. Make a game out of it. Keep a running count of the number of times you have to get up in the middle of the night. Take note of the final number. This is the number of times your husband has to tell you he loves you , worships you and is eternally grateful that you (not he) is carrying the child.

8) Take your prenatal vitamins. Ignore the fact that they create a feeling quite similar to battery acid in your stomach. This is the feeling of providing goodness to your lovely child.

9) Do accept number 8 as the very first thing that you have done for your child that they will never appreciate. This is the first of many.

10) Remember to exercise. Yes, I know that you have been up since dawn and that you've worked hard all day. And I know that you've just cooked a nutritious dinner for your family and now 'America's Next Top Model' is on and all you want to do is get off your feet for 5 minutes. Too bad! Suck it up and get out there and walk. It's good for baby! Count this as the second thing you've done for your child that they will never appreciate.

Things not to do while pregnant:
1) Do not yell at the ultrasound tech for making you drink an Olympic swimming pool's worth of water and then not allowing you to pee. She's just doing her job. Also, do your best to refrain from peeing on her.

2) Do not smack people for touching your tummy. It's rude to hit and they are just showing their affection. Show your affection back by rubbing their bottom.

3) Do not listen to people's advice. I'm sure you'll be tickled to know that Aunt Suzie's Second Cousin always hopped up and down on one leg for an hour every day to ensure she had a girl, but that's quite unrealistic. Not to mention tiring. Trust your instincts.

4) Do not forget to eat. You would think this would be a no brainer, what with TV showing all these pregnant ladies DIEING of hunger ALL the time. But in the first trimester...your not so much about the food. But the little one needs nutrients...and so do you. So try to choke something down.

5) Don't call your doctor a vampire to her face when she takes 9 vials of blood. Apparently, that's insulting. Wait until you leave to call them such names.

6) Don't buy 5 pregnancy books. Buy one. They all say the same things. Each and every one of them. They are like little paper clones. Trust me on this."



***Hope you all got a laugh like I do :) Have a great day!!!!***